An Overview of Separation Anxiety in Infants
Between the ages of 6 months and 10 months old, most infants begin to develop a fear of being separated from their parents or primary caregivers. This development can be stressful for you and your baby, but is perfectly healthy and will pass with time. The development of separation
anxiety is a sign that your baby has developed a strong sense of attachment to you.
What Is Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety is the fear that babies experience:
- As they begin spending more time away from you
- Before they have had the opportunity to learn what your absence means and they develop a level of trust that you will return.
When separation anxiety starts, your baby might begin showing signs of anxiety or fear of new people and new situations. This is paired with an increased clinginess to you.
Infants and young toddlers all tend to experience separation anxiety in varying degrees. The anxiety they experience stems from their inability to understand two important concepts. Babies do not understand that when you leave the room:
- You still exist
- You will be back.
Understanding that you still exist is a fairly complex concept that takes awhile to grasp. Without understanding this, you can imagine how scary and confusing it would be to see your favorite person disappear from sight.
In addition to not understanding that concept, babies also take awhile to learn trust. Trust is a special part of the attachment process that needs to be worked on and developed. It is something that comes with time and repeated positive experience together.
What Causes Separation Anxiety?
Separation
anxiety is the result of a few milestones occurring at or around the same time. You and your baby have been nurturing a special bond from the very beginning. That attachment is actually a wonderful achievement that solidifies between the ages of 6 months and 10 months.
During that time, your baby is learning that there are times when you are not together. Those times apart can be scary for him because he does not yet understand that you continue to exist out of his line of sight. This concept, known as
object permanence, is usually learned around 7 months or 8 months of age.
What Can I Do to Minimize Separation Anxiety?
The goal here is to build up a sense of trust between you and your child. He needs to be consistently reminded that you will be back for him.
As with all stressful situations in life, separation anxiety is worse when children are not at their best. If your little one is tired, hungry, or not feeling well, you can expect the "good-bye times" to be much longer and more difficult.
Here are a few suggestions to help you tackle the situation:
- Practice. Appear/disappear games like peek-a-boo and short practice runs can help in a playful way.
- If you are going to be leaving your child with a daycare provider or babysitter, try to have that person visit a few times with you and your baby together. After a comfort level is achieved, leave your child with that caregiver for short periods and then gradually increase the time apart.
- When saying goodbye, be warm yet quick. Tell your child where you are going and when you will be back.
- For tough situations, make sure the caregiver is ready with a distraction when you have finished saying goodbye.
- Do not sneak out. Doing so can make things worse.
- Do not display any negative emotions of your own about leaving. Babies can sense when a parent or caregiver is anxious or upset.
Generally, separation anxiety peaks between 10 months and 18 months, and subsides as they get closer to their second birthday.
As with many things, your baby's temperament also plays an important role in how they process and handle new situations. A child who adapts to new situations easily will likely have less
anxiety than a child who has a difficult time with change. Parents need to be patient and consistent in helping their children work through separation anxiety.
(Click Temperament to learn more about what this term means.)
